Pythonyms

Pythonyms are words that apply to things incorrectly credited to Pythagoras and Pythagoreans. The term is not found in most dictionaries because normal people do not have a need for things that are made up and have no credible substance, such as the pythonym, gematria. True pythonyms have a form of Pythagoras' name in them. Pseudopythonyms do not, and often just describe anything credited incorrectly to someone that the historical reference shows no involvement.


Many true pythonyms have gematria related origins. In keeping in the spirit of this blog I will try to cover most of them here. Time permitting I will throw in some if the more interesting pythonyms and pseudopythonyms now or at a later date.


The Pyth Helmet
It is said that Pythagoras was approached by the Tarzanic scholars to help with their mortality rate, which was exceedingly high. In addition to the deadly wolverines, snakes and other dangerous indigenous denizens of the Greek jungle, many Greek safari expeditions were decimated by falling peach pits. The story goes that Pythie invented the now famous helmet to alleviate this problem. Not true. He simply told them that peach pits were not heavy enough to do that much damage. Suggesting they simply cover there mouths to avoid the toxic arsenic levels in peach pits when they prepared to sleep he himself rolled over and went back to sleep.


Boston Cream Py
We now know that Boston Cream Pi is only an approximation of Pi. Pythagoras had an intense dislike of the Boston Cream variety and had would have no part of it. He much preferred Pycan Pi.


Apythy
Surely no Greek scholar would suggest connections to not caring about things. When asked about what he thought about apythy, Pythie simply commented he couldn't care less about it. Which lead to the pythonym, pyradox as this is the first on record.


Fireworks
This pseudopythonym refers to Pythagoras' student, Julius Fourthous and his work with Greek Fire. It turns out that Julius only contribution to fireworks was his being the first victim of a firecracker accident. He earned the nickname, Lefty, after blowing off the thumb and two fingers of his right hand, leaving only two digits.


The Pythagorasaurus Rex
The Pythagoreans were often credited with this concept, but little is known of the exact origin.


One thing is clear, the Pythagorasarus Rex is agreed to have been the first dinosaur to have become extinct before the cataclysm that claimed its brethren. Here's where the two schools of thought sharply divided. One thought that an ancestor had consumed too many villagers from the village of Durp, the non-pattern recognizing caveman, somehow was imbued with that stupidity, and died off. Others thought that it was because that after mating, the P.R. would consume their fathers, thus committing patricide. The Durp proponents insist that this was the Oedipusaurus Rex. Back and forth the debate raged with no clear resolution.


In broader gematria terms the Pythagorasaurus Rex conflict applies to any disagreement on things like, partial death tolls. What if the initial report says 1,128 people died in the earthquake, but then they find another body a day later? Which number did the Niptucks' engineer for this event? And what about the firemen who died of respiratory failure later? Do they count?


Pythagoras didn't care, another subject he was firmly apythetic about.




Pythes, the Zodiac Sign
Crude Greek astronomical equipment couldn't possibly measure the distances involved. This pythonym comes from his alleged work with calculating the distance to the Sun. Even then scholars were smart enough not to look directly at the sun, so the story goes that Pythie used a mirror's reflection and came up with 39 inches. After much scholarly debate over feasts of Turkish turkey on Chinese china they agreed that anything, meters, inches, centimeters, kilometers, etc... with 39, or its mirror 93, was "close enough".


The Pythangorran Sweater
Not truly gematria related. But notable because of its relation to gematria not making any sense. Why would anyone wear a heavy sweater in the humid jungle environments of Greece? Hogwash. They had more important things to think about. Like making electromagnetic fields to rig the Olympic Games.


The Tongue Twythter
It is true that Pythie, while commenting on the Aphrodite shell story had said, "she shells" and found it amusing. This pseudopythynom relates to the alleged creation of rapper Eminem's ballad of Aphrodite as he incorrectly claims was attributed to Pythie. It involves his sister Amanda, sea anemonies, M&M candies, his writing of the song under an assumed name and his finishing it off with an "Amen". Which made the whole jumbled mess an Eminemamandanemonemandmanonym. Which is probably more properly titled a pseudopseudopythonym.