You know it’s true, cause it’s snarky.
This morning’s Gematria misinformation check finds a lot of flame war squabbling. Gematria only entering into it by Twixter accounts with gematria in the account name without much actual gematria behind the posting. And what they’re doing is spamming the other main competing grifters - the flat earthers and the anti-vaxxers.
In times of plenty, aka a few months away from a U.S. Presidential election, they can peacefully coexist. There’s enough gullibility to go around. But perhaps the CrowdStrike computer outage made some rethink their timetables. The internet is somewhat necessary for internet grifting. And like toilet paper being in short supply during a pandemic, hoarding now has taken control.
On a side note, the story as reported on MSM outlets is our favorite U.S. right wing conservative problem. Insufficient regulation isn’t a problem until it is. Don’t you dare tell me how to make my Boeing jet safe, that costs money. Don’t you dare tell me to wear a mask during a pandemic. My dead work force will be just fine. Don’t you dare put rules up about drones because an assassin used one, when drones have machine guns they’re covered by the 2nd amendment. Don’t you dare tell me not to drill for more oil. Baking everyone alive is natural and good you stupid little snowflakes. Conservatism is not inherently bad until it turns into regression. But anyway…
The various conspiracy grift factions have all been attempting to create an alternate reality which is not compatible with the other grifter alternate realities. This is called marketing which was created by Homo erectus and fine tuned and formalized by Homo Sapiens when narcissistic personality order was invented in approximately 3100 BC, a terribly confusing time for them as they had no clue what the BC part meant. The massive cognitive dissonance surrounding this time jump started the conspiracy theories of today.
The Egyptian arch rivals, the Toltecs weren’t due for thousands of years, so all the grift and predictive programming was on their main news channel which is still a mainstay today, now called The History Channel. Their Supreme Court ruled that it’s OK to take bribes and make shit up, so fake Egyptian lettering like this was created:
…and ibises, herons, and peregrine falcons not marked for virus transmission via lab experimentation or football games in Atlanta were trained as carrier birds, because pigeon engineering was lagging behind expectations. Fake Egyptian lettering messages were mass produced, attached to the carrier birds and launched across the Atlantic to grift off the hated Toltecs. Mostly because their skin was the wrong color, but a lot of it was just for the lulz.
In the meantime, an alien reptilian Starseed robot clone named Ozymandias time travelled back to Cairo and taught them how to display their never ending dominance to create ruins of massive structures to taunt the Toltecs far after they were gone.
Due to their antikythera technology stolen from the Greeks with the successful invasion in 3050 BC they were remarkably accurate in timing the arrival of carrier birds on Toltec shores. That and a long layover for a bird vacation in the Canary Islands where they were sidetracked by learning about fruity drinks with tiny umbrellas in them. The 1700 AD time of arrival was by grifter standards, “close enough”.
To the north, some angry economic slaves got the idea to throw away the idea of autocracy just long enough to establish rules that stop autocrats from making slaves until the rules don’t work anymore. Then it’s OK to return to economic slavery because no one will ever figure it out due to the secret toxic narcissist weapon known as psychological projection. Given a bunch of generations of accusing others of the same problems you are actually displaying created the Internet. Nobody would ever lie on the internet. (Nudge, nudge, wink wink.)
With the internet safely created the descendants of the carrier birds could relax with fruity drinks on the 120 degree sands of Arizona and hurricane swept beaches of Florida, financially secure in delivery of their payload and the knowledge that people would rather make shit up than have affordable health care and would rather blame arbitrary scapegoats instead of independent critical thinking.
So the main competing factions were born. The Gematria clan, the Flat Earth Clan, and the Don’t Get Vaccinated Like Me the Hypocrite Who Did Because I Know How Dangerous Viruses Really Are Clan. (You can see why they use Anti-Vaxx Clan in official Clan correspondence.) But what they didn’t count on was the actual alternate realities were beginning to manifest in strange and wondrous ways. The Secret Society of the Climate Change is A Hoax clan was really catching on. How dare an upstart organization muscle in on their shared territory?
The Climate Change Is a Hoax Clan. The big daddy festering like a gematria sports decode gone wrong when the Giants beat the Patriots. The all encompassing whopper of all lies, you have no money to solve the problem that has become a self perpetuating negative feedback loop.
So the other three, now minor clans in the big picture decided to team together and pollute the internet with a massive soup of disinformation. Even dragging in some really tiny clans to use as cannon fodder in the war. The Swampland For Sale clan, The Eat Only Cheese Fad Diet Clan, The Worthless Degree Mill College Education Clan, etc…. Within this infrastructure, a (fake) beacon of hope was anointed by those that wanted to use the internet for actual research, quality entertainment and endless pictures of cats. (The Egyptians would approve.). And CrowdStrike with their simple regular security updates rose like an ibis from the ashes of a deadly and unlivable Vegas area desert where they didn’t have any water to survive because it’s more important to have golf courses.
Not so fast, said the not the Climate Change Is A Hoax clans. We’re going to rage quit and take down the internet, and that will teach you all a lesson.
The Flat Earth Clan ruined the GPS of CrowdStrike by not having a globe for GPS. The Anti-Vaxx Clan ruined the software updates by making them think computer viruses don’t exist. The Gematria Clan made the binary code go haywire by 0’s being dropped except when they aren’t dropped.
And there you have it. The three clan alliance managed to take down the internet. For awhile. It would be a big shooting in the own foot, but it’s just a hastily rectified minor inconvenience. And the Climate Change Is A Hoax Clan is laughing. The following message was sent to the main three clan leadership, in fake Egyptian lettering which was a super cute touch.
“Nanner Nanner Boo Boo. You idiots are just small potatoes. We get that you don’t care about anything beyond your own life span. But only we have the real power to fuck things up for the long term. Try passing your legacy on to your progeny when there’s no more water for golf courses. So long, and thanks for all the falcons.
Love and Kisses
Climate Change (Isn’t) a Hoax”
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