In a kakotopian = 113 society in an alternate reality, a reality where gematria is normal and the gematria news is mainstream = 113 (but has better thesauruses, like including the word "kakotopia") a group of rebels yearn for the days where the news was reported in the old way. Police state law requires that they can only report TRUE FACTS = 113 and no DISHONESTY = 113, and not be openly critical of gematria. They only have a public access cable show once a week on Wednesdays, and only being allowed to report on two and three digit numbers but refusing to accept this, each week it sounds something like this.
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"Hey, news seekers, Don here, welcome back. Let's get right into the headlines. Here's what President Alexa Davalos* has been up to. Phil, "fill" us in!"
"Oh, Don! That pattern recognition stuff you do always is funny! I should have mentioned it earlier, but it just DONNED on me!"
"So here's what we have about President Alexa Davalos this week. I'm happy to report, she's just returned from her trip to Europe, and get this, she visited a lot of different cities, a lot of different time zones, she was in lots of news headlines, she said lots of stuff, and made a bunch of small numbers!"
"Is she back home, yet?"
"Yes, Don, she is. She made more small numbers doing that. But we're glad she's back, God how we Mist* her."
"Our Angel* is home safely. Let's get to the weather. Jan?"
"Ok, Don. Again our illustrious leaders who surely don't suck at hiding their weather coding gave us lots of weather across the world this week. We had a bunch of different temperatures, in a bunch of different temperature scales. There was some rain, snow, clouds, a bunch of earthquakes and get this...no hurricanes outside of hurricane season! There was also some s***y skies and some ra***ows that I'm not allowed to say anything more about! Now here's Denise with this weeks human interest stories!"
"Folks, I reviewed this week's stories, and there is a lot of good news so this is going to be heavily censored, even more than the asterisks in the weather, so bear with me. It's the law."
"Some <censored> were rescued from a dog fighting ring and now have found temporary homes at rescue shelters. These <censored> <censored> are just the <censored> things ever and will surely make a <censored> <censored> to a <censored> somewhere. Who wouldn't want one with the <censored><censored> season coming up?"
"A homeless man <censored><censored><censored> with a <censored> and is now living in <censored> free of charge and <censored> children to do the same! <Censored> for him!"
"Charming, Denise! Now, here's Lenny for the sports recap."
"Don, we had football this week. So we don't need to worry about low scoring games for awhile. We had times of possession, lots of scoring, some winning teams and losing teams, and just in general a lot of numbers getting around! Our illustrious leaders who surely don't suck at coding the numbers in the obviously rigged games had a busy time. Also, Robert Taylor closed out his opponent to win the big darts championship by a 44 kill shot **."
"Alright folks, let's wrap this up with the entertainment highlights. Here's Sam."
"We all are wondering what's happening with Flo from the Progressive commercials since President Alexa left on her trip***, and here it is. She's not dead! That's right she's still <censored>! So we can hold off on that numerology for now! There were several other Stephanies that died, but not celebrities."
"Good night news seekers, talk to you next week."
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* Even the bleakest dystopia deserves a hot chick. Alexa stars in The Man in the High Castle about a dystopian future. She was also in Stephen King's The Mist and the Buffy spinoff, Angel.
**True story. I find it more than slightly disturbing that I can't enjoy just watching what should be mindless entertainment without thinking numerology. Bastards.
*** Stephanie Courtney, best known as Flo in the Progressive Insurance ads was also Gwen, from Files and Records in an episode of Angel. Alexa Davalos's character is also named Gwen. In addition to the High Castle tie in and convenient Mist pun, Alexa gets promoted to President in this since she wore a tight, red leather outfit in Angel. Smoking. Stephanie is more like the <censored><censored> girl next door.
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