"So why a grocery store?", queried Bobbi "other than more Hershey Kisses and Maybelline in the Health and Beauty Aids aisle? Stopping off before for those doesn't make sense."
Nancy countered, "That's exactly the reasons why. First of all, it gives the scriptwriter a convenient excuse for a pun. Second, some things are found all over the place. A grocery store has a wide variety of every two and three digit number. And most important, this is a gematria case, so things inherently don't make sense."
"Gotcha! Where do we start?"
Nancy proceeded with the key details.
"It's a given that many food items will gematrify to an evil freemasonry number directly in simple, reversed and reduced elisions. But people need to eat. So some that aren't diehard gematria addicts won't worry about it. Those that are diehards will avoid, say, guacamole, which equals 33. Those that are more diehard won't eat anything from Aisle 33. Even more diehard, anything with gematria of 137, the 33rd prime number. Even more diehard than that, anything that has the letters "at" in it which equal 33, even..."
"Wait a second!", interrupted Bobbi, "is there anything a super duper hardcore diehard can eat?"
"Well, no and yes. No, because with not only the oodles of elisions available, tack on the methods of changing a number into another number, everything is equal to 33. GREEN equals 137 in Jewish, the 33rd prime. All green food is evil food, etc.... It's just a question of how far you want to stretch the narrative. So we're looking for who's stretching the narrative and telling them what they are supposed to believe is safe to eat. The infamous Encryptkeeper."
"And he's in a grocery store? Hardly seems like a tomb. He's supposed to be in a tomb."
"Well, Bobbi, I gave you a clue on my last Scrabble play before we started the case. I played OTTER, and told you it made me think of you being playful like an otter. When actually I was suggesting HOTTER."
Bobbi perked up more than normal. "Which gives the scriptwriter a convenient excuse to imply something more than a merely friendly relationship, and the letter H is important!"
Nancy beamed with pride at her young student. "Correct on both. TOMB OF THE ENCRYPTKEEPER = 113 in the H exception method. The number that could easily be used to mean honest and true, but Gematria always insists means false. Now lets find a confused shopper and see who he or she is talking to."
The first shopper was at the service desk. After asking how the tomatoes were, the clerk suggested that maybe if you removed the green stem it would be fine.
Nancy shared, "Close, but not quite strange enough."
Next up, someone talking to the museum curator who told them, "I won't know until I finish my book."
Nancy's take, "Nah..."
One extremely rude customer demanded to see the manager when he had been told the crackers he wanted to buy didn't expire until tomorrow, but they wouldn't sell them. The angrier manager insisted he was smarter than everyone in the store. And that obviously with date span ambiguity that the crackers weren't safe.
Nancy's analysis, "The more someone claims to be smart without actual evidence to back it up, the more likely it is they aren't that smart. He's not the guy."
And then she saw the janitor, an elderly woman assisting a customer looking into purchasing ice cream. After the janitor convinced her to buy wasabi Nancy told Bobbi, "I think the case is solved. Let's talk to that customer."
"Ma'am, you were looking for ice cream and let the janitor talk you in to wasabi, how did that happen?"
The customer's response sealed the case.
"I'm new to this grocery store. I understand a little gematria and knowing they use it here asked for help. Nobody was really clear on what was going on and finally she offered her help. The story went something like ice cream meant Ben & Jerry's, Jerry Jones being in the news and sports are rigged and they're worried about concussions and that leads to brain damage and Karen Ann Quinlan was a vegetable from brain damage and probably a ritual sacrifice for the winter solstice and ice cream is cold like winter and wolverines are found in cold climates and the Arctic Circle has GPS coordinates of..."
"Ok, that's plenty. We get the point. Your local law enforcement, which is not part of an evil cabal looking to take over the world thanks you. Bobbi, call the Inspector!"
After the Encryptkeeper was muzzled and handcuffed Bobbi and Nancy shared the story with the Inspector, who told them."
"We gave up after our first look at this place. We never realized that an encryption expert is not decoding, but actually coding the message they want from ambiguous and contradictory results. Turns out she picked a janitor as an occupation to clean up the criticism. Deleting comments in the suggestion box and creating disguises and fake accounts. Apparently janitor was the best job she could get without having any real value in the open job market. And did it mostly for attention."
"Mmpphff gdgllfl plldsllcx mmmhjlmr!"
After removing the muzzle, the Encryptkeeper repeated,
"And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling pups!"
THE END
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