Lichenthropy and Its Debilitating Effects

Lycanthropy, the much more well known version of someone acting unlike themselves, requires a specific event to trigger the change.  The moon rises and the afflicted have a radical physical change.  There may or may not be a radical mental change.  Some lycanthropes embrace the violence and freedom of the feral form and act in a manner that makes those around him, during the non wolf phase, say to themselves, “By golly, that guy is an asshole.  I’ll bet you he’s a fucking werewolf.”  Others are more sedate, some who know they have a violent alter ego going so far as to devoting enormous energy to try to control the condition.  Chaining oneself to a tree is a good indicator of that type.

Lichens are a symbiosis of algae and bacteria where instead of two radically different forms competing for attention and acting differently they peacefully coexist.  Lichenthropy is the coexistence of a mind that coexists in a vegetative state of blissful ignorance, happily unaware of scientific things like symbiosis, and a violent state of reaction to science topics that make them think, for example, bacteria do not even exist.  The trigger to change between these two states is the internet.

Your vegetative state lichenthrope muddled through everyday life.  Subconsciously realizing that when the occasional phrase drops from their slack jawed maws indicates they said something conspiracy related and produces the fluoride stare by those surrounding them that maybe they gave it away.  That the fluoride stare makes others say to themselves, “By golly, that guy is an asshole.  I’ll bet you he does a lot of gematria.”  Whereby they rush home to the safety of their computer, post on their blogs or make a 45 minute video to explain why their screen name of @nucleartruthdropper56 is justified.

The debilitating effects are NOT so much regarding the lichenthrope.  They are the effects of those that surround the lichenthrope.  The employers that lose an hour of employee on the job time for the lichen to rush home to make the 45 minute video.  The families that have to separate the lichen from the annoyed members who don’t want anything to do with them at holiday gatherings.  The parents trying to balance financially supporting their offspring with “letting them be themselves”.  Tired of the lichen giving his money away to grifters, but still hopefully one day they will stop being a lichenthrope.

As with lycanthropy, sunlight stops the violent state.  Rather nicely.  Separated from the internet and the pull of bad influences and touching some grass for awhile can return the lichenthrope to a peaceful vegetative state.  But as soon as the Head Lichen drops an Attaboy!^TM their way it’s off to the anti vaccination, gematria, and flat earth races again.

It’s rumored that a group of top lichenthropes have infiltrated all aspects of government via infecting internet spaces.  Politicians are already at least halfway to Lichenthropy without direct infection of bad ideas.  The money and power are probably part of the infection process.  Top researchers are working on it.  Let’s hope they figure it out before we become a mere licheness of our former selves.