The Articles of Confabulation - The Organizational Meeting Minutes

This is the first part* in a series about research uncovering some important ancient documents.


Lucy Furcertain, our resident research expert (who has 666 gematria in Satanic and looks really good in a halter top**) took advantage of a disillusioned flunky, easily bribed with a couple bars of chocolate and some dinosaur DNA, uncovered the thought to be mythical Articles of Confabulation. The bible, so to speak, of how a truth seeker is supposed to operate. The code of rules for those that have no real rules. Rules are meant to be broken, they say. And boy, these rules are about as broken as you can get - in the sense of needing to be fixed.


The minutes of the organizational meeting to discuss organizing a meeting to form a committee on organizational meeting guidelines*** provide some insight on how the dysfunctional rules were set in motion. So before we actually get into the Articles themselves, here's what happened:


Meeting was called to disorder.
It was motioned to recognize that Bob brought donuts and should be reimbursed. Motion seconded by Bob. Not the same Bob, but the mirror image of Bob (name tag of boB). All were in favor and motion passed. It was further moved that said reimbursement should be zero since donuts look like a zero. Seconded by boB. All except Bob consented. Motion passed.
Discussion on THE
Problems were identified with the word, "The", having gematria of 33 in simple and 113 in Jewish. 33 making it a bad guys word and 113 meaning dishonest. Motion made, seconded and passed to retain the word The for the Articles as a working title until sorted out. Motion made, seconded and passed to ban Selma who had actually done the research on this. Motion made, seconded and passed to include specific rules on not doing research within the Articles. Motion made seconded and passed to make the Knights Who Say,"Ni" scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail required viewing regarding the consequences of gematria on the whole language, including really common and innocuous words that are necessary.
Discussion on ARTICLES
It was discussed that ARTICLE could mean:
1) A separate clause in a document
2) One of a group of things.
3) A piece of writing such as magazine article
4) A grammar term for words like, THE.
Motion made, second and voted down to make gematria differentiate words with multiple meanings. Motion made, seconded and passed to never, ever discuss anything about THE again as it's really become a pain in the ass. Motion made to use ORACLES. Not seconded after Delphia pointed out that nobody could predict anything with gematria. ORACLES shelved. Motion made to use AURICLES because it reminded Cal of ARTICLES. Motion seconded and voted down. Motion made, seconded and passed to include being completely heartless a specific requirement within the articles.


Discussion on CONFABULATION
Motion made, seconded and passed to retain CONFABULATION which can be unconscious filling in the gaps but has negative overtones of fabrication. Motion made, seconded and passed to specifically include usage of fancy words out of context within the articles.


Motion made, seconded and passed to use The Articles of Confabulation as the title while informally accepting, Da Stuff About Dem Things.


Discussion on election of officers
Tabled until membership increases. Motions made, seconded and passed to list requirements for officers as:
President - Sociopathic compulsive liar
Vice President - Anyone that can cut and paste text into a computer application.
Treasurer - Shady accountant good at hiding misappropriated funds
Secretary - Someone good at picking out snacks for future meetings.


Discussion on Conspiracy Theorist
Motion made, seconded and passed to use Conspiracy Using Numerology Theorist instead of the bland Conspiracy Theorist. Motion made, seconded and passed to ban the use of acronyms.




*Translate - I'm going to milk this for as long as I can.
** My blog. If I want to make an unfunny sexist remark, I will live the consequences. She's obviously fictitious, so get over it.
***Probably some Presbyterians involved, here.