If Lampreys Could Fly.....

Here's the words from Nad's post yesterday in regards to the release date of Oblivion:


.....if Pope Benedict hadn't resigned it would have been his eighth anniversary as pope.


"If" is a pretty powerful word to be throwing around when you are trying to make a point. Such a tiny word. Only two letters. Or maybe 167 letters in the gematriverse. Hard to tell what the final count is there.


Lampreys are my go to example in animal rights discussions. So like avocados, Jenna Coleman and Girl Scouts I'm marking them as my territory for gematria discussion. I'll get back to them in a minute.


What is wrong with 'iffing' the Pope?* His point was to bring together two random numbers related to Popes. Not even the same Pope. Now if I concede you that point as both are Pope related and that's close enough. How many things that aren't true are you going to concede me?


Since you like football let's try this example. If pass interference wash's called Ryan Tannehill would have had 42 attempts in the game. <insert meaningless meaning of 42 here>.


If Mark McGwire hit 673 home runs in 1993 it would have set all kinds of records. If Dan Marino ate a cheeseburger instead of pasta last night....If Shirley Temple had both of her kegs removed in a terrible grain thresher accident....If Saddam Hussein had a sex change operation.....


No. I'm not going to give you any Ifs. Not a one. Who are you to decide what is an acceptable if? How can anybody draw a firm line? That's the power if the lamprey argument in animal rights debates. Kittens good. Centipedes bad. Pigs good, especially when eaten. Or maybe they do have souls and therefore rights. Humans good. Lampreys bad. Or maybe not. They are an animal.


If lampreys could fly?


I imagine we'd have to rewrite the science behind aerodynamics. We'd probably see them on Discovery and Nat Geo a lot. We might end up eating them for breakfast.** Lots of unanswered ifs, just like an infinite number of ifs if Benedict hadn't resigned.


* I know what you're thinking. Get your mind out of the gutter.


** I'm starting a campaign to replace pigs with lampreys in common phrases. If lampreys could fly. In a lampreys' ear. Your room us a lamprey sty. Etc...