The Lazy NIPTUCK Naming Process

Readers that have been around awhile know that by necessity some posts have more math and less humor. This is one such post. So proceed to your other life functions if that doesn't interest you.


In the time honored tradition of gematria I will start with the concluding remark and work backwards through the statistical analysis.


Couldn't these lazy Nearly Infinitely Powered Though Utterly Confusing Knuckleheads been a little clearer when names were picked for their secret agents? (I have seen it mentioned that sports figures were bred as Manchurian Candidates to fulfill some role upcoming in this cosmic opera. Or maybe that should be 'comic' opera instead of cosmic.)


I don't expect too much. But can't you at least match names better? Not the exact name. But if there's this plan, how about roughly the same number of letters in the first and last name, so you can compare Robert Smith directly to another first and last name of about eleven letters? You know, so we don't have to compare Bob Smith to someone with last name Ocasmith? Is that too much to ask from a nearly infinitely powered source?


I guess so.


There's no doubt that the starting point for gematria reporting is the name. It should be. If you're synching up person A to person B you'd better match the name.


The analysis here is just on last names. I did it for make first names, too. It skews the results slightly because first names are shorter and don't have as many Us and Ys lowering the total. But in comparison to overall letters it doesn't change a thing.


The ten most common last names in the US are:
Smith, Johnson, Williams, Jones, Brown, Davis, Miller, Wilson, Moore and Taylor.


That's a simple gematria total of 770 for 58 letters. 770/57=13.25 (rounded).


Just picking letters at random. A-Z=1+2+3....+26=351. 351/26=13.5.


So the average last name in the top ten is right in the ballpark of just picking letters at random. Gee thanks, Niptucks. That's about 5.5% of the population or roughly 16.5 million people that have an average last name. The longest is eight letters. Several fives. Not a lot of diversity. 5.5% may not sound like much, but try and picture how many Bitzfrigernelhoffzzers it takes to disrupt a sample size that big. If I get a computer program and upload hundreds of names or even all. It's probably going to end up right around 13.5 per letter.


Now you might not know exactly what I'm getting at here. Other than the randomness of values and the pointed remark about comparing first and last name with just last name. (Mr. Ocasmith paid me $5 to mention him, hey Okie!). Names are not from mystical super powered beings to perform numerology on. They're derived from language. Miller, Taylor, Smith. All passed on from tradesmen who were millers, tailors, and blacksmiths. My name is from a trade. Johnson= John's Son.


So don't act so surprised when you can find a numerical match to Roger Moore. Especially when you have a boatload of different numbering systems you generously allow yourself to mix and match with.