Gematria Jokes

Why don't gematrians like the show Numb3rs?




It was created by Ridley Scott, famous for the Alien movies and stars Judd Hirsch who was in Independence Day about aliens. It has real numbers in it, not gematria. The concept of real numbers is alien to numerologists so it upsets them. Also, it's set in Los Angeles, not Miami.




Why don't gematrians like the movie Life of Pi?


Pi has implications associated to real numbers. Numerologists have no real life. It also has a tiger in it, not a dolphin.


How many gematrians does it take to change a light bulb?


Between 10 and 999 since they only use two and three digit numbers. The actual number it takes will be equal to the number that participated in changing it and can't be predicted. Only reported after the fact.


Why do male gematrians like football?


They don't, their significant others do. Come on, there's a position called a tight end. That has to mean something, right?


A gematrian walks into a bar and wants to order a 7 and 7. He goes away thirsty because the bartender doesn't know what the drink he called a 293 is.


Why are so many gematrians meteorologists?


Because they can get paid to be wrong all the time.


Why don't gematrians use their skills to play the lottery?


Because of the inevitable collapse of the global financial system. That's what happened in 2008. Or did it? Hmmm...


Why did the gematrian chop off his hands and feet?


Too many digits to deal with.


What is the favorite breakfast cereal of gematrians?


Answer 1- One similar to Alpha Bits called Number Crunch.
Answer 2- Anything but Cheerios because they all look like zeroes.
Answer 3- Nothing. Real gematrians don't eat breakfast.


Why didn't the gematrian cross the road?


Because it was Route #666. And a chicken crossed it and he was afraid of eggs and the temptation to eat breakfast.


Why did the gematrian build his house with 2x4s


He was going to use 2x4s. 2x4=8. Octopi have eight legs. Octopi live in water. The Aegean Sea is a body of water. Aegean Sea reminded him of AGNC. In simple gematria AGNC=25. 25 is 5x5. The 55th day of the year is February 24th which is 2/24. Which reminded him of 2x4s so he built his house with 2x4s.