The New Tasseography

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasseography

One of the ways to trick your stupid brain into avoiding the outcomes of bad decisions made long ago is to engage in a little recreational pareidolia.  Sure, you can pull up the old gematria calculator and find an Antichrist confirmation every day.  Or you can find a favorable narrative for literally every sports team that played yesterday.  But that doesn’t get you your caffeine buzz.  Or alcohol as you can use wine instead of tea leaves or coffee grounds for you day drinkers out there.

Today’s content to you is sponsored by Captain Buzzkill, an old friend of ours who specializes in all things caffeine related, and that includes reading your tea leaves or coffee grounds.  Hell, he even texted me a few days ago, begging me to listen to him and recap what he just discovered.

The Captain, a previously devoted coffee drinker, had just decided to switch to tea.  One of the long term outcomes of ignoring bad decisions is a possibly upcoming trade war affecting the price of coffee beans.  By now the group of people known as the group of those with functioning brain cells and having some critical thinking skills has pointed out that tariffs as an economic policy really don’t work out well as a viable option.  Party A slaps on a tariff.  Party B slaps on a retaliatory tariff.  And on top of 1). Ordinary inflation and 2). Climate change related inflation ignored as a hoax by a particular American party we get 3). Increased prices because of what is called a trade war.  A war that says, we aren’t ready to send war planes into your airspace yet, but I’m perfectly fine with making things more expensive for you since you did it to me.

Colombia isn’t terribly happy, and the Captain and his cronies are getting jittery.  And for the first time it’s not merely that unnecessary second pot of brewed beans.

So it’s my duty to teach the proper way to do your tasseography.  Reading those tea leaves to get the real information you need while avoiding the useless part that your average gematria cult leader promotes.

And that proper reading has nothing to do with meaningless arbitrary shapes open to wild interpretations with no basis in reality.  It’s that tea is yet another thing that based on economics today has made a change that we will have to put up with future consequences.

The general idea of tea is that the tea leaves themselves are kind of yucky.  You don’t just put a pinch between your cheek and gum like chewing tobacco, you brew it.  Then the good stuff (caffeine and flavor) gets into the water and you drink tea and not chew on yucky leaves.  After the tea is gone you have your equivalent of the gematria number of the day left behind, and instead of focusing on the age of that celebrity death or number of points the Knicks scored last night there are leaves left over.  Those leaves will be in some fairly random pattern at the bottom and sides of the tea cup, and it’s time to tasseograph away.  Whether you see the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, a bunny, or Jalen Brunson is all up to you and how much of a stink you want to make about it.  And that decision is probably driven by how many Patreon subscribers has if you’re a gematria scammer or how weird you are if you’re a tasseography aficionado flying solo.

Instead of a brewing tea with a strainer or filter, we made the tea bag.  Convenience rules for short term benefit while ignoring long term consequences.  And up until the mid 2000’s they were mostly paper.  Although tasseographists might appreciate the occasional ripped tea bag with the yucky remains spoiling what they don’t want to drink laziness dictates that we really, really, really need 

Plastic.  Because sure.  Asbestos wasn’t a problem for our lungs, so why not let a bunch of tiny pieces of plastic invade our body.  What could possibly go wrong with that?

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10389239/

Therefore, it is my recommendation to the Captain (and Teanille) to do this for tasseography in the modern era.  Every reading can properly summed up as these two phrases:

Holy shit!  There’s fucking plastic in my tea!

and

Holy Shit!  Government regulation is about to completely go away and it’s only going to get worse!