Guess Who’s Back In The Building

Elvis.  Elvis is still alive.  But there is, of course a twist.

Whether by boredom with the concept or being trained little primates not clever enough to go beyond failed sports predictions, the Zachosphere crowd does not dwell much on the famous celebrity not being actually dead stuff.

My search of top celebrities who really are quite dead but aren’t according to less than reputable sources are:

7). Jim Morrison

6). Michael Jackson

5). Andy Kauffman 

4). Kurt Cobain

3). Princess Diana

2). Tupac Shakur

1).  Elvis Presley

I’m going to add Bruce Lee, I know I’ve heard that one.

Other than being insensitive and tacky it’s also rather pointless.  It’s like spotting a UFO you can’t prove, because your sighting predates your cell phone camera.  But mostly just because you’re making it up for the attention.  And Bigfoot isn’t as pretty or as good as a musician to be worth the trouble.

My opinion is that Andy Kauffman is oddly placed on the list.  The others are icons of sorts, and have the stigma of being lost too early, like a candle in the wind.  Andy was just one weird dude that flamboyantly displayed his search for attention.  But it’s not worth searching out an alternate list.  I’m sure a page full of other worthwhile selections could be produced.

Your typical dead celebrity sighting does not get much attention these days.  Like we as a society are desensitized to things once taboo (dirty words on tv, gun violence, dishonesty of politicians).  The old stories were rather boring.  Somebody would simply claim the sighting.  They had no proof.  Or it was something lame like a celebrity impersonator stopping at the gas station for a soda.

The political dead celebrities do get some press.  That’s probably part of the reason that the Kennedy nonsense from Negative 48 is lingering, despite his death.  Did you know they are so serious about this that a 13 year old girl nicknamed Tiny Teflon is maybe going to be a cult leader?!?  Such is the power of political dead celebrity.  These stories are more bizarre.  These are, they look like somebody else because they are a masked reptilian, an imperfect clone, or a robot.  They use trickery to hide the actual face since people might freak out if their beloved icon was still around and they could vote for them again.

I’m keeping my source under wraps for now to see if the lunacy develops more.  So far it’s just one person, as far as I can tell.  If others are thinking it, it’s not being commented on.  Elvis is alive and <drumroll during your attempt to guess>…

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Elvis is the Antichrist.

The satanic panic, that filthy rock and roll music, the disgusting gyration of the hood and the desecration of everything sacred about peanut butter and banana sandwiches.  That’s not enough reason to go into hiding.  Gotta keep a low profile until the big reveal that you’re about to end the world.

Usually the United States declarations of Antichristdom are high profile liberals because of the projection that they are more evil than people with a well documented track record of being evil.  Having an icon beloved for his music that you miss, that’s somewhat you want to be still here.  But now, if he’s the Antichrist, maybe not so much.  Or, there are some that make it sound like the world can’t end soon enough for them.  These are the ones draining their bank accounts talking about the coming rapture that I guess they get that last fuzzy warm feeling of being right that the world and life has betrayed them.