I got to thinking that lately I've seen some new elisions (see, I'm so respectful I called them by their misnamed moniker in the post title!) or at least new rules regarding ciphers. Or opportunities to make new ones that would better explain the illogical comments that pop up. So being respectful, generous, sarcastic and mocking I've cooked up some new elisions.
Housing Of Vegas ELision (HOVEL)
Housing Of Toronto ELision (HOTEL) makes too much sense. Toronto is a much cleaner city* and there's a much better chance of getting maple syrup with your pancakes. Gotta have something that has its roots in stupidity to explain missing and additional floors. Come on, what if the assassin wanted to shoot from the basement? Through the stone foundation? That would be just stupid. Each letter counts as a "floor" and you add 1 to the total for each letter of the word. ACE =1+3+5+ an additional 3 for three letters = 12. This explains why Aces are one or eleven in blackjack. 1+11=12. In LEVOH, you subtract one for each letter.
Coulombic
There aren't enough higher sciences in gematria. And nothing impresses more tha throwing around fancy sciency words, except a brisk hammer strike to the skull of a toddler attending a baseball game. Coulomb's Law states that the magnetic attraction between two charged particles is proportional to the charges on the particles and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. That sounds like how to handle double letters. Double letters consecutive are multiplied together, but if separated just added. So BOOBS, is B+B and OxO. Except the original law is inverse to the distance. And we can't have the number get too big, gematria hates truly encrypted individualized numbers. So, its the square root of OxO. Which is really just O. But just saying drop the extra double letter doesn't sound as cool.
The Attuic Elision
A lot of the mythos of Attu The Wonder Turtle is shrouded in mystery. Being a just and humble reptile he keeps a low profile. What we do know is that he originated as a Tuath marine turtle. His mother was famous for her long flowing hair which she groomed with a tortoise shell comb. (The original tortoise and the hair fable). Attu's twin brother, Dan was the evil twin and insisted that he should be called Tuath at his Irish Rite of Baptism. His father, fearing for his life after seeing the criminal manner Tuath handled apostrophes buckled and consented. As a compromise Attu, who was to be baptized as Hattu honored his mother and her H-air and "got the H out of there.". H's do not count in Attuic. Also, Attu's humility only allowed him to have 1.75 hearts (or 'earts' as the Tuath collective calls them) as having two seemed too pretentious, even for a wonder turtle. All values in Attuic are multiples of 0.75. Totals are rounded up or down, keeping in mind the European convention of rounding 0.5 always to the even number. (Some say this is because of Tuath Irish/European geography. Many scholars think it's because Dan/Tuath was the odd turtle.)
Blue Jay and Reverse Blue Jay
Because ordinal is confused with cardinal in gematria, there birds of different colors and I got paid by the Toronto tourism council for two instances of product placement in this post.
Variable Elision
This will require creation of a 26 sided die. Duplicate numbers per letter are possible and expected. Because as reduction methods prove having each letter always be an individualized value is just plain fucking stupid. Roll the die 26 times and let fate decide. How often you reset the values is your own choice. It doesn't matter, you'll get results that are just as meaningful as the current 517,023,588,496,231 other elisions available.
* Fun movie trivia. Escape from New York was filmed in Toronto. The city was so clean that to create the grimy atmosphere wanted for the film the production crew had to import trash to spread around.
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