Based on its suburban/rural niche, there are the modern amenities. Electricity. Wi-Fi. Sewer, water, gas connections. But there is still an abundance of wildlife. You’ve got your squirrels, rabbits, foxes, snakes, deer, bears. You know, the standard forest critter stuff. What they don’t have is mountain lions.
Or do they?
One day a local who has some cows (not a dairy farmer, but not just a hobby) finds a cow brutally murdered. He’s been around animals enough to know this is not a normal event. It wasn’t kids playing a prank. It sure doesn’t look like the work of a bear or coyote. Something about the wounds suggests it’s something not native to this area. So he calls the Department of Agriculture and talks to a representative who suggests exactly what he’s already discarded. Deny the evidence of your own eyes. You are wrong. We’re the experts. We’ve forgotten more about the critters in the area than you will ever learn.
A few days later there is a ruckus in the cow pens. And of course the mountain lion he’s told didn’t exist is going for murder victim #2. There’s no time for a “I told you so” check with local government. Already armed with his gun and suspicions he’s prepared to deal with the mountain lion himself. He kills it and stores the lion carcass in a shed.
And before he can do his planned, “I told you so” moment, the one with proof that is indeed a mountain lion, the local government official, the same one who specifically not a mountain lion, comes calling.
“Where’s the lion’s body. We know you have it.”
“Whadda fuck?! How?!?”
“There was an electronic tracker. It was released to thin out the deer herd. We didn’t want to tell anyone about the cow murdering lion to avoid a panic.”
The legend of the Mountain Lyin’ became famous. It’s like the local version of Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey or Fielder and Oppenheim’s Now You See Everything. When retold it gets spun differently every time. Further and further from actual truth as only a handful of people experienced what actually happened. The mountain lion became a Mountain of Lyin’.
Some people think the cow owner made it up for attention.
Some people think it really happened, but it was a bear.
Some people think it was part of some cover up the local government and cow owner are in on together.
Some people just don’t care. And they’ll say anything to avoid conversation about the mountain lying just to end an awkward conversation.
And more variations. Lots more. Variations of variations of variations.
Me, I like telling tall tales. And lots of other folks do, too. My over the top story is that a rogue, ordinary mountain lion made its way to this town. Was prowling around the trash and ate the remains of a discarded radioactive tuna fish sandwich. Having grown 40 feet long something had to be done. Because the local tuna hatchery was going to be economically devastated.
Don’t let your mountain lion grow into a mountain of lion. A 40 foot lion doesn’t care if it was released because the normal process of issuing hunting licenses to maintain the deer herd size wasn’t working. It stands to reason a 40 foot lion with a mind poisoned by radiation sickness will eat your kid when the tuna isn’t available.
