This is not my first rodeo with toxic narcissism taken to its inevitable endpoint. The only difference is scale. A college roommate with the annoying girlfriend. All the guys marveled at her looks and saw the personality as charming, while I solidified my burgeoning recognition of speech patterns and visual cues that something was off. It creeped me out right away. What I experienced was the effects of “not great” socialization combined with the heavy onset of money = intelligence = attention = power that had taken root in the education system. I, being the only one that didn’t bow to her beauty and fake charm became the target of some really uncalled for activity. The details are probably not as disturbing to me as they should be because I won the battle. The prize was who would remain in the room and who would move out. And thus my disconcerting ability to draw a line in the sand and say, “Fuck you” without actually using the words was born.
Fast forward to a job deliberately chosen to find out why society hates intelligence so much. On paper my grades were great, straight As. Passed a tough licensing test on the first try. Had a resume prepared by a “professional” head hunter (one of the fakiest of fake jobs ever faked) and got just two interviews out of about 50 resumes sent out. Just before giving up and figuring I would be Road Housed into escaping the price fixing oligopoly I lived in, I got an offer. Deciding to play it straight up and see if I could escape with a modest salary despite the obvious indicators that meritocracy was a myth.
And within three months of getting a job became the target of another toxic narcissist, who single-handedly turned the office experience into a miniature version of the Trump administration. Expertise, empathy, and intelligence makes you a target as “weak”. If you’re not blinded by exploitation of capital you’re the bad guy. I roughed it out while the unwanted attention was just focused on me. But after the suicide of a co-worker, the rage that built inside me was directed at finding ways to say, “Fuck you” without verbalizing it. Things like talking to everyone except the narcissist. And the really fun one for me was talking about Scientology non stop for about a year and half as well as taking an unhealthy interest in corporate fraud and other scams. Even going gung ho on cancer research and fundraising for charity can be a weapon for a smart person to say, “Fuck you” to a toxic narcissist.
Dog-less and needing to touch grass, lately I’ve returned to my old stand by, the movie theater. And my long break between posts was necessary as the smart people I’d rather hang around with are openly posting about fascism (and not just in the culture war sense of a slur but actual fascism) and MAGA as a cult (again as actual cult mind control tactics and not just a knee jerk reaction outrage porn slur). And even a more recent addition, open content about anarchy and revolution, a decent amount of which is not the, grab your guns and start shooting”, but framed as a historical societal tipping point perspective of
We’ve seen this movie before. And it doesn’t end well.
In my neck of the woods which is not one of the high population areas, there is a marked shift in the non verbal cues. Trump is not openly discussed by anybody. The two ends of the nuanced spectrum are the dwindling supply of previously open supporters and the growing number of discontented who have enough critical thinking skills to realize that the proverbial shit has hit the fan. The wealthier discontents are giving off heavy damage control vibes. Things like increased content about caring about children while they had previously helped accelerate the impossible to maintain fucked up system of resource allocation we’ve created.
And the other side there’s what I’ve just decided to call sand pail energy. Not a full blown desperate and suicidal bucket list. Let’s still touch some grass while we can still do some stuff while we still can. Don’t fear going to a museum that makes you a target of being labeled as too woke. Returning to your faith not as a mask, but as a comforting social experience embracing the wisdom in compassion and not making you Christian Nationalist death cult member. Taking your kid (with the wrong skin color) to the chess club and having the immigrant girl from the wrong country giving him lessons. A safe space where smart kids aren’t being forced into picking a side in a world gone mad. And by gosh both sides love holding doors open for you.
There’s also social media content, some from people I follow on BlueSky regarding forgiveness. Can we ever forgive the conspiracy theorists? The Epstein class pedophiles? The ex friend who never shuts up about how liberals continue to ruin the world to this day? Is this person just holding a door open for me because of damage control, or because they finally learned that treating people with a little dignity is better than trying to take their stuff by force?
My perspective. I think you’ll know. If you’ve come this far it has become second nature. I got rid of my “Fuck yous” and “I told you sos” and repeating the same message was just to demonstrate to others that in case you’re new, there is not just me with my advanced foresight that made me say “fuck you” to Alex Jones and Zachary Hubbard a long time ago. I went on this path a looooooong time ago, and it’s fucking exhausting. Like someone said when Kamala lost the election, reality is on our side. There comes a time to let people younger and prettier than me to take over the reigns. And that time looks like now. The flooding the zone with real and practical information is here. The days of flooding the zone with complete and utter nonsense have passed because damage control and being human reached the same end point. People that want to continue to be assholes on the Internet and real life will make it obvious by the company they keep and how they treat others. Die hard cult members simply cannot help but give away their denial of reality.
Believe it or not, I’m a different person in real life. Attacking gematria was second nature to me. I recognized long ago that we’ve had several generations of children starved for real education and socialization. Standing up to the top of the food chain immediately is, by design, counterproductive. By design, conspiracy gematria was made to deceive the teenage mind unprepared for the adult topics of how the math of infinite capitalistic growth doesn’t work. The push to religious extremism doesn’t work on a planet filled with billions of individuals. A chance for kids to be lead astray with marketing, a far cry from getting kids to drink Coke instead of Pepsi to get them hooked on a preferred beverage for life. A chance for the adults in the room to recognize that it’s not just stupid…it’s the pipeline to extremism operating as designed.
It’s the old movie we’ve seen before. All that evil needs to succeed is for good people to do nothing. The justified anger I felt for my ex employer - somebody needed to take a stand and say there’s a line in the sand that you just crossed. Nothing would have made me happier than for somebody else to take up the fight. But all of my experience with the Machiavellian machinery I learned. When I saw the way that “ordinary people” were now fair game and how far America had degenerated. All right. Bring it on. I’ve seen this movie before. Like Mulder in the trash monster episode of the X-files - bring it on. Here’s your warning shot across the bow. You’re going to have to do a lot better than making shit up on the Internet to convince me you’re smarter than I am.
And gosh I hate being the center of attention because of this kind of stuff. Hi, I’m the guy who’s spent the better part of his time from 2005 saying fuck you to people. What a role model. Let me check my notes. Hmmmm. Before Trump’ political run and the botched response to the global financial crisis and Sandy Hook. Time to put on my big boy pants another time and do what I do best. Finding creative ways to say fuck you so other people have some lead time before thrust into panic mode.
So hopefully this acts as a sort of a goodbye and a final warning. Or two. Do as I say and not as I’ve done. Despite awareness that there are other boomers who still give a fuck, even those of us willing to admit how the younger generations have been given the shaft have problems. If my mindset is any barometer, the (analogy intended) gas tank is running on fumes. Both because the actual gas (money) is running on fumes and the car (age) is old and dying. (No, don’t go too far with the dying reference. It’s not like I have terminal cancer, it’s just recognition that getting old and body parts stop working is a real thing. The breaking of alliances and trade agreements. It’s a perfectly logical conclusion to the smarter people across the globe. Just the larger scale far beyond my petty roommate troubles or a co-worker’s suicide. Constantly saying “Fuck you” and teaching others to say “Fuck you” is not much of a legacy to be proud of.
So when in doubt, err on the side of the youth. It’s all projection. All the talk projecting fake concern over children dying in school shootings being an hoax and adrenochrome harvesting. In the big picture, now is the time to stop pussyfooting around with the petty stuff. Now is the time to take up the fight on the middle of the food chain. Now is the time to concentrate on who is opening doors for damage control instead of genuine concern for human dignity. If you feel you’ve done enough, you probably have. Acknowledging the problem is a big part of the battle. There’s not much a conspiracy theorist can do to change how everyone outside the U.S. hates us because we’re genuinely the bad guys in this movie. And if you want to keep fighting. Good for you too. Just make sure of being consistently the kind of person willing to be true to yourself first.
The really smart people of the world are with you. And I want to acknowledge the kind of people who have popped in to this server. I’m proud of everyone that took and will continue to work for what’s right for others, especially kids. This is my awards ceremony for this movie. I don’t care if you’re a key grip, part of the catering service. Sure the people of Minneapolis get the Oscar for a major statement on saying Fuck You. But each and every part. Well if you were in the movie Star Wars and you had to fuel up an X-wing. You matter. Unlike religious extremism and unsustainable capitalism your survival is important - you win by just existing. The wealthier douchebags are really not happy with the way things are going. The poorer douchebags are finding out that making money from poor people isn’t so easy anymore. Both are already guilty ridden prisoners having a tough time justifying themselves when they look at the monster in the mirror.
As for me, I’m fine. I get to watch the movies that will inspire the youth of the future. The ones that sneak in or blatantly throw out the “naughty” content. Wow was Superman 2025 the movie we needed from a Superman movie. Hey look, Ready or Not 2 is out! A devil cult of rich assholes?!? What is this nonsense. Surely there’s no hidden message there. Running Man remake? Someone can’t be risking death for themselves just for a spouse’s medical bills. That’s my sand pail energy. I don’t have the resources to make the bestest conspiracy gematria movie ever, but you can’t stop me from admiring rich assholes exploding in Ready or Not. That shit never gets old.
I love you guys.
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