Home Remedies For Gematria

Medicine has proven that the only real cure is digitalis. Here are some home remedies that may or may not alleviate the symptoms. Remember, the gematria of SICKLY and HEALTHY match, so none of these have been approved by the FDA.


Cocoa Puffs
Sonny the Cuckoo bird, spokesbird for Cocoa Puffs reminded us that his name reminds you of SUNNY. A bowl of exactly 93 pieces of cereal is the approved dosage.


Creosote Sweeping Log
It's not just for the chimney flu! Run the Gematria of CREOSOTE SWEEPING and apply the logarithm function. But for goodness sake be careful. CREOSOTE SWEEPING and MARK OF THE BEAST both equal 234 in reverse!


Don't drink alcohol
Be a teetotaler. There are three t's in teetotaler in total. THREE T's has TWO T's. Which also has two more t's. Keep drinking tea until you burst. DO NOT ADD ALCOHOL TO THE TEA. There are no t's in alcohol. Lemon is ok because it has ciTric acid.


Eat manatees
Works the same as drinking tea. There's only one t in manatee, but you can consider it to be MANY T'S. The gruesome side effect is the prevalence of mad sea cow disease in numerologists.


Free Range Holistic Aspirin
As described in South Park episode about Cherokee hair tampons. It might not cure what ails you, but gematria allows you to consider that FREE RANGE means that you might win a stove in a contest instead of that the aspirin wasn't caged while growing up.


Watch a John Woo marathon
Any more woo you decide to try can't be any worse than gematria. If you really want to take this to the limit you can drink toilet water as this is a form of john woo.


Lots of sodium
Sodium is atomic number 11, the master number. Don't combine with titanium, atomic number 22. 11+22=33. And the symbols are Na, and Ti NA+TI = ANTI, rearranged. It will be anti-productive to combine the two.


Bloodlettering
Removing the lettering of ER from bloodlettering leaves bloodletting. The implication is that you avoid going to the ER. This could be taken to the extreme and remove the ER combination from every word. That might be confusing. Drink mo wat to furth the treatment.


Don't mix remedies.
MIX contains all roman numerals. Since we have to add those numbers into word values it fucks up the numerology.


Breathing into a paper bag
An exercise in reducing/changing a number repeatedly. If your only air source is what you breathed into the bag, eventually the CO2 level will increase so much and the O2 level will be so diluted you'll pass out. The first dilution starts with the first inhale of bag air. That won't be a problem, but eventually the air quality will change so much it has no meaning. Oxygen deprivation could be a reason that the brain isn't functioning right in the first place.