Know Your Grifter Tactics - Celebrity Death

 

Nothing quite matches the outrage porn clickbait quality of a celebrity death false accusation.  The non intellectual conspiracy theorist being fed bad ideas by the online grifter community is extremely casual about the idea of passing beyond the state of being alive.  It’s like the principle of dipshitmatic immunity in gematria.  Your own name may be a match for something notoriously vile (ELON MUSK = 110, ADOLF HITLER = 110), yet no matter how much you comment on videos or blog about your synchronization it’s never a problem.  I am obviously not a member of the Illuminati - I’m complaining about them.  The psychological cheat code of projection, if I call you fat and ugly it doesn’t matter if I am fat or ugly because I played the card first.  Death is something that happens to other people, not me.

And in the conspiracy world of gematria and related insanity it’s always something vaguely if not overtly evil.  Not always that the person died, but somehow they made a pact with dark forces and eventually they were murdered for not holding up their end of some bargain with immensely powerful forces.  Forces that show off their immense power and lust for blood by disguising the murder with two and three digit numbers.

The screenshot shows three consecutive RIP outrage porn topics, the RIP part being a cruel joke in and of itself.  These people do not care at all about the family and friends of the celebrities that passed at all.  It’s all about the clicking on the video to start the process of association of death with gematria which in turn changes to gambling on sports with magic decodes after the games have finished.  Naturally, the death reports are also decodes after the death, never with an accurate prediction well in advance.  And that’s all part of the plan.  You too can start your journey into wasting time with gematria by finding out about it after your favorite celebrity has died and you make your first connection with a statistically meaningless number.

For example, the death of Michelle Trachtenberg.  We get a thumbnail that tucks an image of the movie Murder by Numbers in one corner.  A movie Michelle had no part in.  And none of the cast died yesterday.  That’s all it takes to get the first time gematria decoder associating the fantasy world with grim reality.  A truly accurate decode would have come out decades ago before the real story of her troubles came to light.  The actual story would have read about how she was destined to be traumatized by getting involved with someone who fits the Weinstein mold of a rich and powerful creep, abuse alcohol, get a liver transplant and pass away at a young age.  But we only get the post mortem.  Murder blah blah blah, synchronicity with the Super Bowl blah blah blah, Jesuits blah blah blah.

Similarly an accurate gematria decode of measles would tell us about what measles has in store for us over the next four years.  Preparing us in advance for how the chances that RFK Jr. enacting any effective response to a full blown measles outbreak is somewhere around zero and giving us a clue of exactly how many people are destined to die.  From a disease that had been controlled very well by vaccinations which now our casual relationship with death has influencers telling us doesn’t exist.  There’s more money in people dying today than people living tomorrow.

Friendly Fire (?)

https://www.youtube.com/live/E40T6vfdopA?si=Z8oR5m2fQWIKQjx_

That’s a video of a “debate” by a group of truthers.  Not so much a group as an oddball collection of diverse ideas unified by a singular theme - things aren’t going well and let’s talk about our grievances.

I really need to watch the whole thing through since it amuses me to see Zach’s own tactics being used against him.  Getting there late in the proceedings it seemed to me more to be a gang up and attack Zach than any kind of sensible debate.  He never got any traction, constantly being interrupted.  Whether this was planned or just came about organically, who knows?

The repeated interruption was the perfectly valid knock against gematria.  Or actually two, but the more important one first.  For a decade he’s been allegedly making predictions, but if you look back over the history with an open and unbiased mind he’s NEVER predicted anything of significance.  The format is always the same.  Here’s what happened yesterday.  Here’s what they did.  A psychic 900 number from the old days that just tells you what the weather was yesterday and a couple of hometown ball scores.  A local news channel with a penchant for the morbid and throwing in a little bit of political propaganda which would be opinion except it’s dressed up as fact with a nonexistent magic code.  And the news channel doesn’t operate by advertisers.  It’s PBS supported by donations.  You get an Attaboy!^TM instead of a tote bag or shirt.

These debates are a no lose situation for all the panelists other than maybe investing more time than wanted.  Any engagement is good engagement in the world of online grifting.  That video may be on Zach’s channel for now, but somebody else surely will keep it up.  There will probably be some follow ups with several key people claiming total victory.  And that’s the second point.  When your brand is never admitting your ever wrong, it sure is incredibly hard to believe you spend hours on a livestream getting slaughtered by your own tactics (never let them get a word in) when you should be so ridiculously rich with your magic code these people would be beneath you.

Here, let me do a non truther debate argument.  You don’t need to have a magic code.

I think that people in general suck at long term planning.  The government knows this and preys upon it.  “You’ll have a 401k to retire on.”  “You’ll have social security to retire on.”  “Groceries will go down day one in my administration.”  Every argument is some vague promise that decades later is, “Oops I’m sorry.  Can’t do that.  Sorry.”  While the reality is nobody who is super rich cares about the cost of climate change mitigation in the future.  The U.S. won WWII by being the only country without massive infrastructure loss by getting the shit bombed out of it.  Now, the capitalists focused narrowly on the short term are having a harder and harder time disguising the party is over.

Now what was so hard about that?  Now magic gematria numbers talking about 2038 bits crashing UNIX systems.  No bullshit Taylor Swift is an Illuminati puppet scapegoating.  No trying to convince people that Covid is a hoax and selling snake oil.  You don’t need the magical oriented thinking of conspiracy theory to whine about things being wrong.  The only use for it is if you are also capitalizing on someone’s lack of long term thinking to suck more money out of the working class, ironically by the same short sightedness that made them desperate enough to listen to you in the first place.

Once you began to realize that a magic sports code isn’t going to make you super wealthy you can begin talking openly with people smarter than you and get help from them instead of the knee jerk reaction of attacking them you’ve been taught to do.  You’re probably going to need some real friends in the next four years.

The Grifter Economy & The Gematria Niche

 

Tom Nichols - Why Scams Are Everywhere

Just in case you’re interested in doing some real research instead of looking for more echo chamber outrage porn, there is now substantial content coming out about the relentless online grifting.  Something that I have been pointing out for almost a decade is finally getting the attention that it deserves, although it’s really mostly too little and too late.

That’s a rather lengthy video and fortunately it is chopped up into some chapters to focus on key concepts in parts instead of just a long ramble.  It covers why employment (regardless of what generation you’re lumped with, although I do like to jokingly poke at Gen X since everyone else gets regular blame) sucks and what tactics are used to suck people into being a part of something that is rather dubious in practical value.  Let’s throw in the obligatory meaningless gematria connection:

Most conspiracy content is not total absolute batshit crazy nonsense.  It’s far more effective to have some nuggets of truth thrown in, giving the reasonably intelligent but still biased person a chance to feel smarter than they really are.  A chance to feel smarter than they really are.  It provides them a chance to shine, to dazzle their IRL friends with something slightly different while they find the keywords that are implanted in the algorithms locking in on their comfort zone.  Actual truth in truth seeking is more of an accidental stumble into those real nuggets than any true insight.  Just like finding that Tom’s word GRIFTONOMICS = 68 and CAPITALISM = 68 in the same, common cipher.

Anything short of conspiracy content that doesn’t recognize the monetary nature of the ultra wealthy and how they shape a multitude of lives through economic systems is pretty much worthless.  For example, there are lots of people that agree with my opinion that reported unemployment numbers don’t seem to be holding up to the reactions of large swaths of the population to actual, “am I just barely getting by or am I functionally unemployed because working two jobs that total 30 hours a week at near minimum wage is the best I can get?”  Ultimately, grift is a perfectly understandable part of the capitalist structure.  Unless you were born in the right family and you aren’t willing to commit fraud on a massive scale you are overworked, underpaid or both.  A prime target to be susceptible to online grift.

And that grift doesn’t focus on our lovely little match of that 68.  It’s always outrage porn, because flash sells.  There are far too many scapegoats to choose from.  Why not talk about greedy Jewish bankers instead of limiting your discourse to how to make millions with drop shipping?

Maybe ten years ago you could start a gematria channel on YouTube and generate some decent income as a side hustle.  The same way that Uber started off ok, but now there’s so much competition for the same service there’s too much supply for not enough demand.  There’s only so much demand now for bad sports predictions that haven’t generated positive results the gematria so called community is struggling for relevance.  Perhaps it can lay low for awhile and make a comeback, but it’s now in its own self contained late stage of capitalism where the demand is not there to even encourage a whole bunch of newbies to grind out the meaningless and useless product of confirmation bias based hatred.

The Gulf of Knowledge

 

Trying to explain what’s actually going on to the average conspiracist is not met with any sort of intent to listen and comprehend.  It is met with closed minded resistance and the springs are coiled to strike back.  Knowing subconsciously deep down you are going to be told you’re wrong is liberating.  Easier to be wrong about everything and most assuredly told you’re wrong than stumble on a nugget of actual truth and heaven forbid have to think about that.

In these trying times of renaming things willy nilly and threatening hostile takeover, the Gulf of Mexico meme generator has entered. 

https://gulfof.mapquest.com/

And it’s perfectly symbolic of gematria.  So much so that my first gulf creation was naturally this:

Early days of gematria aficionados running rampant on social media was a shitstorm of denial.  Dates would be wrong - Wikipedia changed that to make me look bad.  A key word misspelled - the decode still finds meaning in the corrected value.  (Or even more laughably, insistence that misspellings count as valid). In short, no matter how colossally, stupendously wrong you were about something basic and simple, an alternative reality can easily be generated.  An alternative reality like a map name generator that can make up whatever you want.

And within the framework of being wrong all the time, that ever present core value of every good sports betting scam, is the sports decoder predictions.  These are never admittedly stated as wrong, unless it’s puffing up the actual record.  Claiming you predicted all the NFL games right last week may be a stretch, maybe better to say you got two of them wrong.

So put yourself in the shoes of a disgusting normie for a second and think about the possibility that someone (of the gematria time wasting ilk) was preparing a decode for the hurricane season in 2024, a season that the Gulf of (Mexico) played its standard big role.  How many decoders had the foresight to think to rename the Gulf to Gulf of America, or ‘Murica?

Somewhere between zero and zero, and zero doesn’t count.

Everything is meme quality now.  There’s no safe haven high value stock when the meme crowd will whimsically pump up Game Stop or of course anything cryptocurrency related.  It’s more fun to go with the crowd that’s most vocal and just let life wash over you like the storm surge of a hurricane.  Basking in how fun it was to go for the lulz of renaming a body of water to what you want than wondering about the inflation from the billions of dollars of damage coming up in a gutted federal administration’s sure to be feeble responses to the 2025 hurricane season.  At least you can still rename the Guof again.  Gulf of Economic Despair?  Gulf of Death?  Gulf of I’m Right About Everything?  Can you even predict now what will bring you comfort when your life revolves around reporting your magic numbers after events have unfolded?

Dept. Of Gematria Economics

 

Yesterday the Department of Gematria Economics (D.O.G.E.) released their annual report on the fiscal year end of December 30, 2024.  (Yes, that’s correct.  The 30th and not the 31st.  In the time honored gematria tradition I f being “close enough”.

And things are really not looking good at all.  The various gematria calculators have once again not been updated for the rampant inflation plaguing global economies.  The newly appointed unelected bureaucrat heading the department, known only as “Some guy named Sam who delivers the GrubHub lunches”, pretty much overqualified for his post in this administration, summed it up this way.

“Yeah, like holy shit man.  I can’t believe INFLATION still just equals 100.  Because since you always drop zeroes except when you don’t, that’s 1.  You would think it might have at least gone up to 2 by now.”

When asked for further comment he fidgeted and shyly admitted he didn’t know why he should have even bothered saying anything to our reporters.  Something to do with lack of job security because his Uncle, although one of the original founding fathers who signed on the Declaration of Independence was technically an immigrant and he feared his being labeled as an obvious scapegoat meant that the axe would fall any day.

The next report is due out in the middle of tropical storm season in the United States.  Market watchers are nervously anticipating the obvious upcoming clusterfuck of a response by the gutted institutions trying to clean up the physical and financial mess.  If HURRICANE still equals 97 then this is a definite sign of not adapting to changing times and for the Department of Gematria Economics to step in and bolster the price of Bitcoin and other crypto.  Fake money solves everything.

Bluesky’s First Prattlesnake

A bunch of smart and sensible people have either also signed up for Bluesky or left Twitter entirely and use Bluesky only.  With Twixter being essentially state run media now there isn’t much social value left.  Especially considering it never had much social value to begin with.

I’m beginning to regret being one that left Twixter completely now that allegedly Zach no longer has an account there.  Or at least was gone temporarily.

But back to the business at hand on Bluesky.  It’s inevitable that someone would eventually drop in and start an account with all the classic trappings of a low level grifter.  If Zach and his loyal Zachosphere followers midway up the cult MLM scheme haven’t invaded yet, why not give it a try?  See if you can be the first to get traction?  Maybe, some critic will give your account a boost by getting into an argument with you on Bluesky.  Or maybe I’ll just criticize you here where I’m in control of what comments get posted.

A psychic numerologist astrologer that does gematria.  Now that gets a wide swath of prattle covered just by the account name and the champion of meaningless gibberish - gematria.  Enjoy your year of the snake, and learn from your mistakes.

Starting off with the football, congratulations.  And that’s not sarcastic because you fucking nailed it.  Your account was only about a week old when you first posted about the Super Bowl.  The day after the game was over.  That’s the classic.  Although this post didn’t directly address gematria that’s what it’s all about - waiting until a game or news story is over and reverse engineering it into whatever bullshit narrative you want.  Throwing in reference’s to animals on the Chinese zodiac without a hint of exactly what the Rooster and Snake mean.  Who’s baby, that’s high level gibberish material.

Moving on to the other.  Dish-was-her?!?  What the actual fuck?  Are you saying she, whoever she might be, was a dish and isn’t any longer?   Like being called a dish is sometimes used as a compliment for a good looking gal, and now she’s old and ugly or was disfigured in a car accident?  Oh my god, you’re not eating women are you?  Cannibalism is still pretty much in the list of uncool things to do.  You kinda left us in the dark here, because .you forgot to do any actual gematria. You're under a contractual obligation to gematrify SOMETHING instead of just leaving everyone hanging with a vague “gematria” thrown in at the top.  Here, DISH WAS HER = 114.  JEFFREY = 114.  (Jeffrey Dahmer).  See?  What’s so hard about that?

I’m going to take a guess here, you saw somebody call the Super Bowl the Superb Owl and couldn’t come up with anything better than a nonsensical Dish Was Her.  At least a superb owl sounds like it could be a real thing.

I swear if I hear Jordan Klepper talking to some random rally attendee about inflation and they mention the gematria of dishwasher, I will find you.

Epic Failure - Super Bowl 59

Sports Gematria’s Video 

Is there heaven for a scammer?  The introductory song does make you wonder.  Interesting also is that at around after 3 minutes of introductory song stuff it switches to Zach talking about eugenics.  Not openly calling it that, but trying to improve the IQ of a population by killing low IQ people in the aim of pairing up high IQ people to breed and make more high IQ people?  Oh yeah, that’s gas chambers for large populations talk, and if there is a beneficial deity watching over it’s the kind of talk that will firmly send you to the warm place below.  And his choice of the cutoff is really grim —>less than IQ 120, into the woodchipper you go.  119 isn’t just average, it’s even slightly above the “average” range.  At least Thanos snapped away his targets at random and didn’t make shitty sports picks on top of that.

https://www.sportico.com/leagues/football/2025/2025-super-bowl-stats-least-exciting-1234827664/

Of course Hubbard picked the Chiefs.  Why not finish another losing season with another epic failure?

As for the game itself, if you haven’t heard, it was one of the least competitive Super Bowls ever.  Essentially by the time halftime rolled around it was over.  As with a lot of blowouts there was a letdown that allowed the final score to cosmetically appear that the contest was more competitive than it really was.  As if the 24-0 halftime score wasn’t enough to forecast the fall of the Chiefs, it was 34-0 before the Chiefs first scored, then it was 40-6 before a couple of 4th quarter TDs made it look like it might not have been the yawner it was.

By all normal standards (things like players, matchups, coaches, injuries -i.e. NOT gematria) it was supposed to be a highly competitive game.  But Zach and the other sports decode scammers channel their inner Alex Jones, at least on occasion, and turn something that should be just simple entertainment into a life and death situation based on a single binary outcome.  Trivializing the added on information and associating bigotry with gambling.  And based on the comments these days most people are really only interested in the economics, that is the winning or losing money part.  Nothing trivializes a binary outcome like:

easily finding that the team names have matching gematria.  Seriously, do you really want someone deciding who is worthy of living and dying based on IQ who uses a system that leads to a coin flip?  That sounds more and more like Thanos.

IQ is a pretty terrible and arbitrary metric in a lot of ways, but even if it is a good standard I’d put money on a population of IQ 120+ having the common sense to recognize gematria for the bullshit it is.

The Fear of Learning, Part 2

So where do you stand on the topic of Gumby and Pokey?  One guess I would take is that you might be young enough that Gumby and Pokey are completely alien to your world or maybe just a vague joke reference from a more recent movie or tv show.  Just because you don’t know about something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or never existed.

The truly intelligent people have a defining trait (and this is just one of those out of many “smart person” traits.  The ability to admit you don’t know something, and if you want to know it how to do actual research.  Real research, not bullshit gematria research that insists that Dishonest=113 and never Truth=113.  Or Nigger=102 (the enslaved) and never Oppressor=113.

Yesterday I learned there is a word for the fear of claymation - lutumotophobia. And just like other more common phobias those that suffer from it have a measurable negative physical reaction to watching claymation animation.  The idea of watching an episode of Wallace and Gromit is terrifying.

Your typical conspiracy theorist “true believer” who does not actually suffer from lutumotophobia would dismiss the idea as nonsense.  They themselves often suffer from neophobia, a fear of actually learning new ideas or skills.  A terrible problem when a world is changing rapidly without even a full generation going by before what was learned becomes obsolete in a lifetime.  They don’t want to learn and decades of mental anguish from the ridicule has made the expense of therapy not an option.  The option of being a keyboard warrior and mouthing off in retaliation is the outlet for pent up frustration in a world that demands keeping a pace that’s unsustainable.  And frankly, thinking that climate change is a hoax really doesn’t help - even for the promoters of grift centered around it.  There seems to be a lot of, “Oh fuck it - I’ll be dead before it’s a problem” mentality going on while the expense - born of lack of even basic education - is already here.

The Fear of Learning, Part 1

 

If you missed out on gematria around 2016 through 2018 you might not be aware that its use as propaganda was off the charts nuts.  Nowadays it’s settled into mostly a sports gambling grift.  Not anywhere near as fun as the wacko stories that came about from what seems like a long forgotten era.

In theory, instead of the time Pi/Eclipse ritual for a 102 year old’s passing those that saw a 102 would have been inclined to drop in how 102 meant SLAVERY, or even the “N” word.  A cheap mental gymnastics cop out.  I’m not racist, the evil empire that created the ritual is.

Although the 102 point NBA story isn’t quite that old, it still serves the purpose to show that there’s still a lingering presence of the topic of bigotry.  The author is one of Zach’s long term flunkies.  An author that also has our favorite number 113 in their most recent video.  Checking the stats, that video has 430 views after about a week.  A lot of work for a little bit of attention.  And still stuck on the old 113 MUST mean deception.  Even though it’s been amply covered here that Veracious=113, and Truth=113 (Capitals Added cipher).  And there’s a whole host of words that relate to truth that equal 113, which never get acknowledged.  This is why I took the time to find OPPRESSOR=102.  Just because you have a fear of learning that a simple antonym shows the meaningless of conspiracy gematria doesn’t mean that others might want to learn from past mistakes.

As for the 113 in the videos, there’s also a list of vaguely related words that don’t really count as synonyms of DISHONEST=113.  Things like PERVERTED and GREEN SCREEN.  And that in turn leads to the logical step that isn’t spoken aloud, that should mean that similar “nice” sound words like SCHOLAR=113 as well as SCHOLARLY=113.  Lawful=113 (Reverse Capitals Added).  It is fairly simple to find not just a neutral and totally unrelated story, but actually find the opposite to the author’s intent.

It’s As Knows As the Plane On Your Face

 

In the time honored tradition of conspiracy related gematria grifting we have what they operate best with.  Synchronicity.  Actual synchronicity, where just by luck of the draw or what bullshit keyword they overuse, what is in reality a coincidence. There has been several incidents involving planes lately.

We could try to rationalize the actual reasons behind these incidents.  Unlike gematria conspiracy which amounts to shitty journalism, after all it is based on reporting after the fact with a fake aura of prediction and scandal, it could be a combination of overcrowding at busy airport hubs, human burnout from FAA firings, and just because sometimes shit happens that is genuinely just random events coinciding in a short enough time frame that even those with the attention spans of two year olds can identify the main topic.

You really don’t need another journalist, especially a terrible one, to point out to you that 67 people died after the military helicopter crashed into the American Airlines jet in late January.  The story is plastered all over the place.  But with gematria there was a universal need to chime in and point out that dark forces are responsible.  Whether it’s a ritual sacrifice for the upcoming Super Bowl, yet another sign that the world is about to biblically end as OBVIOUSLY this is the work of the Antichrist, or if it’s the New World Order - this time faced by the secret society known as Skull and Bones.  <Sigh>, and yes anything plane related is also by default related to 9/11.

So I’m taking the time to reinforce the old point here.  Despite the wildly varying reports on what’s going on with planes now there is one common denominator.  Nobody, literally none of these predictors who can’t even maintain a consolidated position on whether they can or cannot make predictions using gematria put out a story ahead of time that explained in advance that something was going to happen with a bunch of plane crashes in early 2025.  Thousands of people watch videos recapping what already happened, thinking that their chosen cult leader has some sort of magical gift that is worthy of throwing some money at.  As if throwing that money will magically allow the gift of being a shitty journalist to be imparted on their own commentary.

And that commentary always just adds a little side piece of meaningless trivia.  Like a real reporter that adds the color of the paint job of the plane wording.  67 people died in a plane with red, or black or whatever  color lettering.  Deeply rooted in the “who cares?”  But now it’s something like the shitty journalist pointing out 76 is Skull and Bones having forgotten that 1776 is ‘76 and the Patriot Act came about after 9/11.

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.  Even the sports world could have had someone with genuine prophetic vision make a gazillion dollars on the plane narrative if only the Jets hadn’t sucked so bad to finish only 5-12.  But that’s gematria for you.  Always gotta make a big stink about what already happened with an arbitrary scapegoat attached because the gullible need a little attention.

Safeguarding Your Finances With Gematria

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jan/30/sterilization-women-roe-v-wade-trump

Nothing other than death itself comes close to the finality of having children than the human female having a surgical procedure to get sterilized permanently.  Men have it way too easy, the procedure being quicker and less traumatic.  So much so that a vasectomy is reversible in case you change your mind.  Since I check way too many boxes on the naughty list of gung ho right wing ideas, I do not mind being forthright in mentioning that what a woman wants to do with her own body is best determined by her, and not some oligarch who wants to run politics as some sort of Ponzi scheme.

And that’s what it is.  In late stage capitalism as the middle class evaporates into the lower class, even if the emotional desire to have children is there, economically it just isn’t feasible.  As more people decide to not have children to make ends meet, the population ages (U.S. should be 1/4th over 65 by about 2050) pretending that a social security program can keep up with the elderly becomes obviously not viable.  Struggling as though they might to force unwanted children into the mix.

But as the screenshots show there is an amazing gematria synchronicity with sterilization and another economic staple to add to your arsenal.  And as a happy bonus they equal the same gematriot in the same suffer.  And that is 69, extremely fitting for orgasms without procreation.  There’s no way that’s a coincidence, you simply can't make this stuff up.

But it’s time to be clear in case there’s a misunderstanding.  As with previous years I am not suggesting you avoid getting involved in gematria sports decoding.  Far from it.  Decode away.  Because nothing stops the immediate loss of money on gematria and related scams like having no funds to put into those scams.  A sort of economic sterilization.  That includes a happy bonus, because there’s this wild misconception that your chosen cult leader gives a shit about your personal life.  Like, you have been a loyal puppet for so long he’s going to share in the wealth.  The wealth that was not built by embracing the sports decoding method he’s promoting, but by taking your money and keeping it.

This of course leads to identity theft protection as well.  Nothing stops your identity from being stolen quite like not having an identity being worthy of being stolen.

The New Tasseography

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasseography

One of the ways to trick your stupid brain into avoiding the outcomes of bad decisions made long ago is to engage in a little recreational pareidolia.  Sure, you can pull up the old gematria calculator and find an Antichrist confirmation every day.  Or you can find a favorable narrative for literally every sports team that played yesterday.  But that doesn’t get you your caffeine buzz.  Or alcohol as you can use wine instead of tea leaves or coffee grounds for you day drinkers out there.

Today’s content to you is sponsored by Captain Buzzkill, an old friend of ours who specializes in all things caffeine related, and that includes reading your tea leaves or coffee grounds.  Hell, he even texted me a few days ago, begging me to listen to him and recap what he just discovered.

The Captain, a previously devoted coffee drinker, had just decided to switch to tea.  One of the long term outcomes of ignoring bad decisions is a possibly upcoming trade war affecting the price of coffee beans.  By now the group of people known as the group of those with functioning brain cells and having some critical thinking skills has pointed out that tariffs as an economic policy really don’t work out well as a viable option.  Party A slaps on a tariff.  Party B slaps on a retaliatory tariff.  And on top of 1). Ordinary inflation and 2). Climate change related inflation ignored as a hoax by a particular American party we get 3). Increased prices because of what is called a trade war.  A war that says, we aren’t ready to send war planes into your airspace yet, but I’m perfectly fine with making things more expensive for you since you did it to me.

Colombia isn’t terribly happy, and the Captain and his cronies are getting jittery.  And for the first time it’s not merely that unnecessary second pot of brewed beans.

So it’s my duty to teach the proper way to do your tasseography.  Reading those tea leaves to get the real information you need while avoiding the useless part that your average gematria cult leader promotes.

And that proper reading has nothing to do with meaningless arbitrary shapes open to wild interpretations with no basis in reality.  It’s that tea is yet another thing that based on economics today has made a change that we will have to put up with future consequences.

The general idea of tea is that the tea leaves themselves are kind of yucky.  You don’t just put a pinch between your cheek and gum like chewing tobacco, you brew it.  Then the good stuff (caffeine and flavor) gets into the water and you drink tea and not chew on yucky leaves.  After the tea is gone you have your equivalent of the gematria number of the day left behind, and instead of focusing on the age of that celebrity death or number of points the Knicks scored last night there are leaves left over.  Those leaves will be in some fairly random pattern at the bottom and sides of the tea cup, and it’s time to tasseograph away.  Whether you see the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, a bunny, or Jalen Brunson is all up to you and how much of a stink you want to make about it.  And that decision is probably driven by how many Patreon subscribers has if you’re a gematria scammer or how weird you are if you’re a tasseography aficionado flying solo.

Instead of a brewing tea with a strainer or filter, we made the tea bag.  Convenience rules for short term benefit while ignoring long term consequences.  And up until the mid 2000’s they were mostly paper.  Although tasseographists might appreciate the occasional ripped tea bag with the yucky remains spoiling what they don’t want to drink laziness dictates that we really, really, really need 

Plastic.  Because sure.  Asbestos wasn’t a problem for our lungs, so why not let a bunch of tiny pieces of plastic invade our body.  What could possibly go wrong with that?

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10389239/

Therefore, it is my recommendation to the Captain (and Teanille) to do this for tasseography in the modern era.  Every reading can properly summed up as these two phrases:

Holy shit!  There’s fucking plastic in my tea!

and

Holy Shit!  Government regulation is about to completely go away and it’s only going to get worse!