More Gifts From The Real World Of Sports Instead Of Gematria Sports

 Denim, Denim, Denim.  Since you PhraseShopped in Birthday Gift let’s talk about the real gifts of your “work”.  The abject failure of gematria in 2018 continues.  I think it’s time to go for broke.  Turn back to football without trying the World Series.  You already have the fine art down pat of picking both teams and then sorting the mess out in the follow up.  Not just by yourself, but we’ll get back to that.

You see, the problem isn’t so much what you pick.  But this happens all the time on FTFM.  All the commenters have variations on f the way it’s worded, but it’s something like, “I see numbers for both teams, so I’m going with X instead of Y.”  Well SOMEONE has to be right and SOMEONE has to be wrong.  I absolutely adored the cute way Jedd suggested that instead of quantity of numbers pointing towards one team you should look for one QUALITY number.  Whatever the hell that means.  That’s a big problem with news stories gematria (besides the insensitive mocking families of dead people and such) where every two and three digit number is quality and they’re all totally raw, undiluted, fucking evil.  How this translates into sports quality numbers is a doctoral thesis I’d really like to see.

But, anyway.  Let’s go back to Boston.

Nope.  You absolutely were not 100% on Boston winning.  Before the game you said highly likely * which in real language means maybe pretty close to 100% but not really 100%.  While in the language of gematria it means, “just in case I fuck this shit up I have an out since I can always find a couple ‘quality’ numbers to support my bullshit story”.  And I imagine most of the real world sports analysts saw that Boston had the best record, dispatched the Yankees pretty easily and being up 3-1 on Houston, was on a roll and picked the Sox, too.  With quality numbers like pitching match ups, batting averages and ERA’s.

Also, big mistake.  You have a proven record of showing your betting stubs when you parlay three heavy baseball favorites.  You forgot to show the ticket displaying your large $$ amount bet for being 100% sure.

And to hammer the point home here’s the screen grab of you picking the Brewers (oops) and a couple of lackeys picking the Dodgers (Yeah!  I called my 50-50 coin flip right!  I totally rock!!!)

Yeah, you need help with your marketing plan.  Haven’t heard much about those furshlugginer Freemasons and Jews from you.  So maybe you should take up the practice of prank calling sports media.   You probably only get an answering machine, the attention of a low level PR person who will give it the appropriate “Wtf??” reaction and ignore it.  Or, you might hit comedy gold and they’ll write an article that will totally mock you and you can brag you made it into the paper!  Then lie about what was actually said in the article later.  That seems to be standard operating procedure.

So pick an NFL champ NOW.  Don’t wait.  Put up some numbers NOW.  You can’t be more embarrassing than Tony Tellin’ It who still thinks the Colts will go 8-2 the rest of this season and carry lack of home field advantage to Super Bowl championship glory.  But don’t go totally crazy on one team.  Give yourself some outs.  Maybe one or two secondary guesses at most to start hyping up for, say, the possibility that Tom Brady gets blinded looking at the solar eclipse and his career ends in November.

We await your quality/quantity opinion.

* It was at this point the post game show I was watching  mentioned the word FLIPPED.  Run with it.