Fun With Gematria Tom Swifties

What is a Tom Swifty? It's a type of pun that uses descriptive verbs in place of merely having spoken text be continually in the boring format of,


After opening the book Nancy said, "Oh My Gosh!"


Having a literary character only ever saying something is quite tedious to the author and the reader, so you through in a different verb,


After opening the book Nancy declared, "Oh My Gosh!"


The jokes came about because one Edward Stratemeyer created a book series for the plucky young Tom Swift. Tom never simply "said" anything. He declared, quipped, crowed, announced and all manner of other colorful variations of saying. He went way overboard, and the literary world took notice and started poking fun. The jokes became how to tie in the verb or adverb with what action Tom was performing.


"I'm turning off the lights", Tom said darkly.


Yes, that was just "said", but with a modifier of darkly relating to the lack of light after flipping the light switch.


On the business end, and I'll be brief because I just talked about machine guns, the elites who coded our language had remarkable insight to foresee the creation of Tom Swifties and the other things that are combined in the pun. My personal favorite:


"Oh no! I've dropped the toothpaste!", he said crestfallen.


The elites created the word crestfallen just because they knew one day Stratemeyer would be born, people would poke fun at his writing style and Crest toothpaste would be created. Yeah, right.


Word patterns count in gematria. Some are easier than others. Sutherland in the Texas shootings has already lead to Kiefer and Donald commentary. After one chucklehead worked out 26 from the date I'm 11/5/2017 (11+5+2017=2033, 20+3+3=26) he was satisfied with matching the death toll, got his cookie, and didn't proceed with the next step of tying it to Kiefer by forcing a "24" out of it. Maybe next time. Previously created Swifties do the same. Acerbically leads to Serbia. Austin/ostentatious.


Here's some gematria related Tom Swifties:


"I put the wrong number of l's in Manila", Hubbard recounted.


"I tried to fudge the number, but it's still not 8", he said benignly.


"There are now 8,532,012,954 different ciphers", the Kelvinator enumerated.


"Baseball games are obviously rigged with technology", he droned.


"Another man made hurricane!", he said stormily.


"I need to get some sleep", Dan recounted sheepishly.


"Here's a link to donate to me and buy my book", he offered freely. (An oxymoron.)


"3.14 is close enough to the value of Pi", he said roundly.


"Mark Ruffalo reminds me of buffalo, which reminds me of Buffalo Bills player Marcus Murphy, which reminds me of Mark, which reminds me of Mark Ruffalo", he remarked.


"This applies only to the US in this case, not the Asian country of Georgia", he stated.


"Stop trolling my blog and piggy backing on my work", he derided.