The Technology Scifier

That's "Sci-Fier", not cipher. If it was creation of a new numbering system for incredible technology it would be cipher, or the Harlan Elision, as discussed previously.


You shouldn't try to avoid my monthly factual error award. It's a pretty big honor. And starting this month you get a paper mache troll statue.


You don't want to insult people's intelligence by saying that the hurricane struck Puerto Rico because Attu moves in mysterious ways. Instead you explain it away with technology. This is the 21st century. Before you know it Buck Rogers will wake up, shag Erin Gray and help Cartman get his Nimtendo Wii. The technology is amazing in gematria narratives.


I think.


Because although with unerring certainty of the existence of the technology, the details of the way it actually works are pretty sparse.


Electromagnetic fields
Used in football and basketball. This explains how receivers who are supposedly super human and shouldn't need any assistance have a ball guided into the hoop or a receiver's hands. Or miss the target. Just so the numerology works up. You don't want Odell Beckham to suddenly grow a conscience or forget the script at the key moment. The key detail missing is exactly what is being magnetized in the ball. I double checked the periodic table of elements for magnarubber, and it's still not there.


Drones
Used in baseball. It explains how balls are aimed to the desired location. Well, I guess the baseball division of the evil sports cabal didn't get to use the magnetic fields. Or maybe the drones are so super secret that they're still being tested. Because they must also be invisible, emit mind controlling signals or pump out hallucinogenic chemtrails because NOBODY ever sees them. They also might be involved in Holly Jablonowski's ( ❤ ) explanation on how Aaron Judge grew nearly half a foot in time for Correa's home run last night. Again, no firm details. Just drones. Not allowed to talk much about it, that would be.....droning on.


Weather Control
I'm glad hurricane season is almost over. I'm so frigging sick of weather tech stuff. Just like everything in sports that disappears in the off season we won't also have to hear about the many incredible facets of weather tech. Apparently earthquakes are now part of the weather tech branch of the evil empire. One thing I can be sure of is the evil empire does love Holly....er....a dark and stormy night. They never make a sunny day free from some kind of disaster. Indeed, good weather ruins their company picnic.


Video Views
Hubbard and sock puppet Unknown Warrior both reported half a million page views on a video that got pulled by YouTube after only being up 18 hours. Amazing how he hasn't topped more than about 10k on any other video, and the one up the shortest time gets so much more attention. That's some serious mocking. Artificially inflate the views (with the magnetic air used in sports balls?) then pull it just to mock him. Especially mean since they usually do the opposite and suppress his page views. Or so he says.


Temperature recording
Let's not forget that we know exactly what temperature it is everywhere on Venus at all times. I'm jealous. My phone and my car report different temperatures, as much as 4-5 degrees. And I thought their technology was good.