Gematria Debunked BY THE CAPS LOCK KEY

You've probably seen it and wrinkled your nose, curled your lip, snarled and whined. Somebody typed a message with the caps lock key on. The typical complaint is that it looks like you are shouting. Which is fine if the message is, "YOU'RE AN IDIOT IF YOU THINK GEMATRIA HAS ANY USEFUL VALUE!!", or "JENNA COLEMAN IS SO HOTTTTT!!!". The complaints arise when the message is something that seems to be more calm, "I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH. I'LL BE OVER TO PICK YOU UP IN FIVE MINUTES."


Ease back. Unless you're worried about poison in the toothpaste you don't need to make it look like you're on a caffeine overdose or being sarcastic. There's a simple punctuation mark called the exclamation point that can convey your excitement without making you look like a two year old.


This of course is leading to another blurb about our friend, the Francis Bacon elision. Capital letters are imbued with magical qualities that the evil forces who create hurricanes with mind altering drugs rig sports fights by aiming them at target cities so celebrities that are leading out a predetermined, scripted life donate large amounts of money to pay for the storm that they simply could have avoided by not making the storm in the first place.


Sorry. Got carried away. At least it was just a run on sentence and I didn't have the caps lock on.


As if the idea that Sir Francis Bacon had some kind of hard on for capital letters that he has an elision named after him (which we can assume the evil empire took time off from hurricane creation to cover up and hide from the historical record), there is now another elision, Franc Baconis.


I'm not making it up. Yes, everyone but Caveman Durp can tell that it's a slight rearrangemnt of the IS in Francis to Bacon. Part of me approves of this. Bacon IS awesome.


It works like this:
A=1, a=2, B=3, b=4, C=5, c=6,...assigning increasing values through alternating capital and lower case letters.


This sounds logical, yet by now we all know it's just another way to get a different number from the same source word. Now Houston can have a completely different value for Hurricane Harvey. That didn't exist until a couple of weeks or at most months ago.


The same gematria proponent that includes Franc Baconis in his introductory video is the one that has a line about the "tireless efforts of astute researchers" that I continually poke fun of. There's a hint of acknowledging the jokingly manner the name was arrived at in the introductory video. It's called Franc Baconis because it sounded good since it involves capital letters. As opposed to doing actual research that uncovered Francis Bacon having anything to do with it. Because he didn't.


Written language came after spoken language. If it's easy enough for you to believe that nonsense about hurricane creation the next step in your leap of faith is to accept and defend that nearly omnipotent forces created the caps lock key intending that, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KYLE!" and "Happy Birthday, Kyle" have different meanings.


This is the kind of thing that has me keep up my running joke of the "97,428,109,237 different elisions they have". With the number changing because who knows what idiocy they'll think of next. Franc Baconis Reverse Trigonal Reduced. Why not? You can always ignore the old numbers you don't like.


i HoPe yoU aLl haVe a niCE lAboR dAy hoLIDaY!