The Staff Of GUMMED

After dogged research (literally, kept awake late by the dog and nothing good on TV) I undertook the task of figuring out exactly where all this messy science came from in numerology. Like, how did a city in England make it to the 74th parallel? Is it because it was actually 7 degrees, 4 minutes and that was "close enough?" (Yes, this was actually quoted.)


By great fortune, the answer was found when I discovered the Gematria University. Great fortune because my crack team of acronym makers hadn't been paid in awhile and they got to add ammunition to their constant pestering me for donations. The core of the problem is the math department. So I present to you some of the key members.


G.U.M.M.E.D. Gematria University Messy Math and Education Department


Errorstotle, School Founder - Not a mathematician, but a great teacher. Shame he was always wrong.
Archie Meades, Principal
Monty Pythagoras, GH Hardyharhar - Heads of math so bad it is laughable subdivision
John Nash Rambler, Logician -developed circular illogic theorem
Renee Horsebeforedescartes, Logician - Start with the conspiracy, work backwards to the number. Yep, he started it. Famous for explaining why it would make sense by saying it's obvious. The horsebeforedescarstesian plain)
George Booleshit - never got a doctorate, just a BS
Nickeless Coepernicus - filed for bankruptcy so often they named a chapter in the bankruptcy book about it. Moonlights as a panhandler
Carl Cole Gauss - also works in the cafeteria serving his infamous slaw, thinly sliced cabbage in an electromagnetic field sauce.
Leonardo Fibbingacci - greatly admired for being a convincing liar
Ferrous Euler - also works in the science department. At least when he's not taking a day off
Lord Kelvinator - nice guy, but has absolutely zero personality.
Anders Seltzius - nephew of Kelvinator. More personality, but only to a slight degree
Johnny Venn - also head of the janitorial staff. Cleans up anything resembling good math by flushing it down the toilet
Freemason Doppler - Son of Christian
Edwin Humble, ex-professor - fired because humility had no part at GUMMED


There at others, such as Gaulileo Gaulilei. But they didn't survive the Jewing GUMMED incident where many staff members died of arsenic poisoning after eating peach flavored chewing gum.