Carl Edwards Retires Because His Ford Fusion Was As Sexy As Queen Victoria

That's as near as I can get translating Nad's latest post. There were no direct factual problems. So I will settle for that doozy of an example of damfil* logic.


Here's the chain connecting the dots.
Carl Edwards retires and is in the news.
Carl used to drive a Toyota.
Recent CNN article mentions how Toyota is trying to give the Camry a new sex appeal in their marketing.
Sex appeal gematrifies to 99
Camry is derived from the Japanese word for crown.
Crowns are worn by royalty.
Queen Victoria and Queen Elizabeth the Second are royalty.
Queen Victoria surpassed Queen Victoria as the longest tenured monarch on 9/9/2015.
Carl Edwards used to drive Ford Fusion #99.


I hope I didn't lose you anywhere in that. It's sooooo brutally obvious how much sense this makes.


If cosmic entities that want to hide the meaning of things in numbers haven't skipped breakfast they need to stop being so judgmental or they may lose their fan base. Their racist attitude for not creating Japanese royalty with the decency to do something important on 9/9 is disturbing.


And they've chosen British royalty to identify with sex appeal. In her younger days Liz might be considered easy on the eyes. Victoria, however, is to be polite as possible, notoriously butt ugly. Why not make a reference to Diana or Kate? Now I'm sure Liz and Vicky were both demons in the sack, lots of fun at parties and cook a mean breakfast but hardly what most people have come to mind when good looks are mentioned. Jenna Coleman would be the perfect vehicle (intentional car reference) to convey their message. She plays Queen Victoria and the media has outright said that frankly she's too pretty to play the role**. But the cosmic entities that hide the meaning of things in numbers insist on imposing their standards of physical beauty on us. Judgmental fucking cosmic bastards.


*Until repeated enough that you get used to it- damfil is Dumb Ass Mindless Freaks Idiot Logic.
** In many respects this is a really bad example. Jenna is prettier than everyone except Gary Coleman. Indeed, Gary isn't dead. He and Jenna are one in the same. Same last name, both co-stars in a TV show instead of the main character, both realm short, never seen in the same place at the same time. Think about it.